tripping.through.existence

i’m the only one who can take
the knowledge that i’m a bitter fake
hope my guts don’t overflow the stage
the scripts i’ve written come from better plays

i’ve come to let you know
when the lights go down there’ll still be a show
i hope you have no place to go
i can promise you that

if there’s a courtroom which in
i’m to be cross-examined
i hope there are no witnesses
because i know where i’ve been

i’ll tell the judge and jury
to mark me down as guilty
so the people that i’ve disappointed
know i’m just as self-loathing

i only spit up blood when i’m alone
the vitriol that covers up my bones
when you say you love me but you don’t
and all i ever wanted was a home 

It’s four in the morning. I’ve slept for one hour.

Coffee at 10:30 was not a good idea.

sorry for the long break between posts. it’s been a heck of a year so far. here’s a song that i’ve been working the music and lyrics for a while. it’s not completely finished, but i do happen to like what i have.

untitled

we’ll keep on trudging with our dusty souls
wandering without water and the truth
i will break my hands to stir the coals
or fan the flames down to burn the roots

wipe the slumber from your eyes
push them in and pull them back to find
your heart pressed down into the dirt
and mine said dig it up for her

all burdened thoughts to sink my boat
horizons bring the break of proof
stretch my sail before the wind has blown
tread the depths to make my way to you

:) 

I know, two posts in one day? But the likelihood of me having a moment of free time in the near future is questionable. I went to bed early last night, but I just couldn’t go to sleep and had a weight on my heart and some of these lines running through my head. I ended up staying up until like 1:30, and this ended up turning out almost like a straight up worship song, which I’m cool with. I don’t typically write stuff like this in song because it tends to feel empty and insincere (at least for me), but I feel like this one came out mostly alright.

Don’t Be Gone

Come alive in the words I read
Your presence in the words I speak
Be the thought when I can’t think
Don’t be gone, God don’t be gone

I’m tired of carrying
the weight of the average
When all people see
is a breathing cadaver
Show me how to live
in the things that matter
when it’s not me

Take my body
and its restless bones
to callus my hands
rebuilding homes
Teach me how to weep
for unmarked tombs
that I don’t know

Let it be You in the songs I sing
Throw me out of my comfort’s reach
Throw me out into the world I see
God, don’t be gone, don’t be gone
Don’t be gone